I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
