I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize