I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I bet he comes in French.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
