Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
