So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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