And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize