my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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