if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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