whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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