We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
