I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
vagina is talking i cant
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
