The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
