Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
