I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
