i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
