i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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