He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
