take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
