you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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