but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
