I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
