the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
