i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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