Someone shit on the floor
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
