Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
