I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
