could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
