Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
