everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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