Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize