as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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