Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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