hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
