she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I enjoy the company of your penis
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
