And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize