This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's official drugs can't kill me
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
