DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
