Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
