there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
