Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
