I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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