True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
