I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
