Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize