dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
