So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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