i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
