i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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