OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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