I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
