you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
