Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
