Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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