so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You were trust falling into bushes
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
