so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
