my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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