Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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