jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
