I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
