dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
