It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
