There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
