Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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