bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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