Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
