He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
