Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
