i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
