Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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