i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
