i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
