i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
