Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
