I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize