You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize